I've been quiet. I haven't been sending my weekly emails or blogging as regular as I had previously wanted. I haven't been to the gym or even concerned over my eating habits. I cut back my work schedule, just because. I've been sleeping and watching a ridiculous amount of tv ( hello, Scandal ) Resting my mind. Resting my body.
I felt guilty and irresponsible.
But I just couldn't. It felt too damn hard. Like too much work.
For too long and in too many cases, there have been times in my life when I pushed through. Fought tooth and nail to keep going. Taken on more than I could handle. Months where I was a dictator around every single thing I did. Constantly pushing. Forcing it. Never standing for what I really wanted, just saying yes because ... that's all I knew how to do.
It was always backed by a fear of sorts. Around belonging, money or being a proper adult (ie. caring what others would think.)
Keeping that up is draining. And when it takes more from you than it benefits you, is it really worth it all ?
I chose all of these things. I created them all. And I think it's time to become radically self responsible so that I can find more joy in my day to day.
I'm not saying that something amazing won't come from persistence and pushing your edges. It will and can absolutely. But it's not right all the time.
I've been really digging into my own edges. Past and present. Examining my beliefs about each one and exploring what is really true.
>> Extra weight that comes and goes and returns.
>> Type A personality + virgo.
>> My competitive nature.
>> Who I thought I was and who I wanted people to see me as.
>> The depression and anxiety I struggled with.
>> The challenge of really being me while growing together with my amazing husband.
>> Having to return to massage therapy for the third time in 12 year career.
>> Overcoming being bullied as a child and quieting my self bully.
>> Daily work with emotional eating and fulfillment.
>> Relationships that have fallen away and guilt for knowing my part of it.
>> Trying to put in long hours in my online business after working a regular job and handling life + all the things that "have" to be done.
I feel so ready to let go of what isn't working. To be free of obligations that I created which no longer serve me. Spring cleaning almost. Decluttering.
Choosing to grow and nourish myself with only things that light me up. No more forcing. Striving for the feeling of calm and being grounded in my body. Because this is when I feel my best. When I feel like I have the most to offer and share.
How can I let go ?
Grab a notepad and answer the following questions. (This is what I'm doing and I invite you to try it out. )
1. Where are you feeling resistance or "hardness" in your life right now ?
2. What would you like to be different ?
3. What obligations or responsibilities have you created for yourself ?
4. How would letting go of these challenges benefit your life ?
5. What are you really craving ? How do you want to feel ?
6. What is one simple action step you can commit to do daily that supports letting go ?
7. Who do you need to forgive ?
I would love to know how it went. Share in the comments below or with a friend that could use some encouragement.