I remember when I first turned 30, I had big hopes and dreams of what the next decade of my life would bring. But the reality of the whole situation was, I had bigger expectations of myself.
I would say to myself ...
I should be going to the gym everyday.
I should be eating healthier, definetly less carbs and more veggies. I should cut out sugar and alcohol. Yes, that's the answer to all my problems.
I should be juicing. I have a $500 Kuvings sitting on my countertop collecting dust.
I should be more grounded and calm but I can't sit still for 5 minutes.
I should weigh less. 160 lbs is a lot.
I should have more money saved and be better at budgeting.
I should want to have sex more. I think I'm supposed to be at my sexual peak. But I don't feel it.
Looking back on all the shoulds, they got me nowhere except as the captain of my own pity party.
I was shitting all over my life instead of actually doing something about it.
I was inflicting my own suffering by obsessing over all the shit I should do instead of wanting to do.
The guilt. OH the guilt.
Did it matter if I did any of my "shoulds" ?
No, not really.
What mattered the most ?
I wanted to be happy.
My shoulds were a reflection of the areas of my life I wanted to improve. I was trying to do them all at once and getting nowhere. It was too much. I was overwhelmed.
The adult responsibilities plus the shit that happens to your body when you are a 30 year old woman. I was choosing to get buried in overwhelm instead of getting myself the fuck out of it.
Hormones. Stress. Anxiety. Busyness.
In my case, thoughts of one day having a few kids and low energy thanks to what I believe is adrenal fatigue. Pair that will never ever saying no to family / working late / having to do everything on my to-do list.
Busting my ass to run my coaching business while working part time massage therapy.
Can you say fucking exhausted and fed up ?
(There will always be days that are hard. I'm not saying that it will all be so easy that you won't have to work at it. )
Waking up one day to think "what the hell happened to my body" ?
That's where it's noticeable.
So how do I stop shoulding all over myself ?
Yes, shift instead of change.
I decide it will be different + feel it + then do it.
I don't want to change.
My shift: ... focus on one thing at a time.
Get super fucking clear about how you want it to be.
Commit to it.
Set small goals and take daily action to feel that way each day.
Next step. Pick your next thing to focus on. Rinse and repeat.